Heartbroken

On Thursday afternoon another parent and I were volunteering in our sons' first grade classroom. We were working on some Christmas gifts that the kids will give their parents. It was, typically, chaos in the room with kids at varying stages of their project all clamoring for help at the same time. A happy buzz of activity imbued the room. Then Mrs. Pack, the principle, came on the intercom and said "Rancho Rosal attention please, this is a Lock Down DRILL".

The noise stopped briefly and then started up again, but then Miss Myrick, our 1st grade teacher, stood up and began to close and lock doors and close all the blinds.  Half of the kids just kept working but the other half, including Aidric, looked like rabbits that had just smelled coyote on the breeze.  "What's happening" they asked with their eyes literally as wide as saucers.

Vanessa and I looked at each other and we kept working and just calmly explained that this was a 'drill', a practice, just like a fire drill or an earthquake drill.  Mrs. Pack just needs to be sure that Miss Myrick knows what to do in an emergency. "What kind of emergency?"

I looked at Vanessa again and said "Well, I don't know, just anything that might be dangerous.  Miss Myrick will call Mrs. Pack and let her know that she has all of her kids in her room and that all of her class is safely inside." The kids relaxed a bit and we all kept working and we tried to distract them with idle chatter and pointing out beads that had escaped and exclaiming over the beauty of each of their projects until finally Mrs. Pack called the all clear.  Doors and windows were re-opened and we worked on; the room eventually filling with that busy hum again.

Never ever in a million years would I, or Vanessa I'm sure, have said 'In case a bad man comes with a gun and tries to hurt you' or 'In case a bad person comes to hurt kids'.  Never could you make me say those words and see the look on those children's faces. The very thought of it hurts my heart.

And the very NEXT day, the unthinkable.  All I can picture is the worried look on Aidric's face. I can't imagine those children all the way across the country and the fear on their faces.  All I can think about is how kids that age, when they're hurt or scared, their only thought is 'I want my mommy' and there was just their teacher there to comfort them and what comfort could she have offered.

It breaks my heart every time I think about it and I can't breath. No longer can we say that sort of thing can't happen here.  Those kids were our kids they were everyones kids.  That kind of thing can happen ANYWHERE. What kind of sick, twisted world are we raising our kids in. We protect them from crossing streets in front of cars, from falling off of bikes, from taking too big a risk on bikes and skates and monkey bars.  But to have to protect them from evil itself while trying to shield them from the knowledge of what that evil is..... It's not how things should be, .....

I'm heartbroken and I can see no solution....

I'm writing this down so maybe it will stop running through my mind and maybe I can start to leave it behind, but I know I shouldn't forget.  I should fix it, but I don't know how....

...and don't, DO NOT anyone comment that we should turn to god and pray, do not comment on my page with that response because it's pure crap and I do not want to unleash upon you my views of that response, not today please....

Thanks for listening.